No Matter What.

Man, I get sad too much. I can't even help it. I know of one cure, but that isn't coming around for a long time. Maybe it never will. I don't really have motivation to do anything, so I sit down and I complain to who ever the crap is reading my crappy blog posts and for what? I have like two readers daily. (Whom I thank very much.) And the one person. The one person I want to read these stupid and endless paragraphs won't even give me the time of day. They won't say hi to me, unless of course, I confront them first. But I suppose that that may just well be the only really high quality way to get anywhere. I sit and wait a lot. Don't expect me to change just because I say this, because certainly do not practice what I preach. Not to say that I am not a man of my word, because I am. I am just a hypocrite. And maybe, just maybe, that is where my real sadness is from. Maybe because I am untruthful to myself I get discouraged because if I can't keep a promise to myself, then how in the world am I suppose to keep a promise to anyone else?

I have a terribly heavy inclination to swear and do awful things of late. I do not know why. Idle hands cause suffering I suppose. Not to say that I have done these things of whatever you can imagine, but I have had terrible struggles resisting anything that seems even half appealing. I don't even care about the future anymore. I get by, and that's it. I get c's and b's, and I'm okay. But what I am not okay with is being like everyone else. I need to work on that, but somewhere in me there is some kind of compass and spirit telling me to do something productive and to support myself. I just don't feel like it. It's embarrassing because a lot of times I will look very stupid and under educated to a person of higher knowledge. They don't even give me a chance. Depending on the way I am dressed that day, they will either completely shun me, or accept me as some clean perfect kind of person that I'm not. Teenage rebellion isn't what I am getting at. Man, rebellion is such a stupid thing. But it's all I do. I am stupid, stupid, stupid. Somebody read this and realize that what I am saying is true. I honestly believe everything I say about myself. I know exactly what I am supposed to do, and I know exactly what I shouldn't do, but I just don't feel like doing either. I suppose you could say that I am gray, but I don't believe in that color. There is definitely a good and a bad. But distinguishing the two is not an easy task. I am not an experienced body in this. I'm not good at a lot of things and the things I think I am good at turn out to be things that I am just okay at.

Sometimes I will go through all the people I admire and look at their pictures on facebook. Look, I'm not talking about Kobe Bryant or Justin Pierre. I'm talking about people that I interact with every day at the building where I get educated. I look at their pictures and all I can notice is how pretty and happy they all are. Boys and girls. They are all so outrageously happy. Every single one of them. Why can't I be apart of that? I try so hard. Everyday. I know that being happy or being sad is a choice or whatever, but I honestly try everyday  to be as happy as them. To sustain a normal smile, even when I am on my lonesome. No matter what I do, whether I play drums, hang out with friends, play guitar, sleep, or anything really, I just can't sustain it. My happiness comes in little bursts and when I'm alone or even stalled at all, it goes away. At any moment in time my whatever emotion will just go away. I don't know what true happiness lies in. I've been searching for a long time. I'm sick of hiding and I'm sick of living with this dirt in my mouth. I'm sick of being dried up all the time. But what am I going to do about it? Nothing. Like a stagnant moth being drawn to the flame, I will never be free. But I will tell you one thing, I have found something to love. But love is a dangerous thing. Love comes and goes. No matter what. I believe in eternal marriage, but I don't believe in life after love. Let's pretend you get married and your wife/husband dies. I couldn't live. Oh man. Game over. No way could I live with that. Even if I was like in my late twenties or something, I would never remarry.

Sorry for being depressing and boring today. But it's how I'm getting. I don't know why but it's happening. So I'll deal I guess. I gotta deck of jokers and I can't wait to use them.

What happens in the dark will be brought to the light.

She Understands

It's 5:45 pm and it's almost perfect dark outside. Utah darkens very quickly this time of the year(s) and I think there my be specific reasons for it. I mean, besides moving farther from the sun. More of a kind of pathos type of deal. Not logos. Am I being heard? Probably not, my voice is little.

I went and saw my second favorite band last night. They were crazy. Like hot dang. They tore me to pieces. Streetlight Manifesto is a crazy band. Very good live. They left a piercing ring in my ears. Whenever there isn't any constant noise louder than the ringing, it sits there and screams all day long. I can still hear it and I was at the concert nearly twenty-four hours ago.

I don't know about myself. I wouldn't consider myself a happy person, but I'm depressed. I don't think so, at least. Maybe I'm apathetic. But self proclaiming that you are apathetic is always false because how can you be apathetic when you are claiming to have an emotion? When I am bored I come up with bottomless questions that have no answers. Is there a name for those? I don't know. Like this: Where did the rocks come from? My dad asked me that question. I guess you could say that God made it, but he didn't just clap three times and had some stuff appear. He had to get it from somewhere. Anyway, I am going to stop talking about this before I offend someone or maybe even myself.

You know, I try pretty hard. I get treated like a lazy, useless, teenage fool that doesn't contribute (or try to contribute) at all. And suppose that I was a lazy, useless, teenage fool who doesn't contribute (or try to contribute) at all. Could every single being reserve the right to treat me so? I don't think that I am lazy or useless and I try pretty hard to contribute. I don't know about the rest of my fellow teenagers, but I feel pretty under appreciated. Gosh, I am such a baby. I'm trying to derive some emotion from something other than the main base. Man, these zurg rushes are harsh.

I wonder what kind of voice I have. My English teacher enjoyed it in the paper I wrote for her class. Cool. I'm sick of being a part of something no one likes.

It's even darker now. It's 11:16. You know I never split up a writing session like this. It feels weird. A different mood maybe. I went and hung out with Miranda Grigg tonight. We went and saw my school's musical for the year "Hello Dolly." This is the second time I have seen the play now, and it just gets better.

Miranda and I have some pretty good talks. Sometimes I start yelling because I feel really strongly about things, not to be confused with anger, and she starts laughing and I feel silly. But she understands. Not many people of this planet do.

Well, love has driven another nail through my heart on this lovely night. Another quart of blood spilled, you know, NBD.

Gosh gilly gag. My life is like a fart. One of those really dry ones that don't really mean anything. :I

I'm stuck. I get stuck a lot, don't I? Ha.

Tonight I was telling my parents that earlier I had a lactose reaction to rollos, and my mom said "there isn't any lactose stuff in rollos." So I continued to shut my mouth and all in all cancel my story telling. I miss Miranda. And a few other people. Let's have a reunion. With you by my side, (you know who you are..) I could sit foreeeever. I'm slowly opening and releasing these weird hints as to where my real sadness comes from and it's scaring me. The world will know.

My mom just said "oh my gosh, it's eleven thirty. We gotta go to bed. It's eleven thirty." Haha. Why is that funny? I don't know. What happened to this potentially well written post? I dunno. ha ha ha.

If I correct your grammar, don't take it personally.
xoxo

Let's Break It Down.

A lot of things freak me out. Like being a "class" or being everyone's equal. I mean, for goodness sake, I don't care if I'm worse than everyone else. Just make me different. Because I guess I don't know how. I'm trying to take the high road but according to everyone around me that makes me full of myself and cocky. I just want the world to be able to understand my brain. Selfish? Yes. I can feel the sanity draining out of my skull and making a deep puddle underneath me. My shoes are wet and heavy but if I take them off I'll burn. Here's a poem:

The newest thing is already old.

They honestly expect us to do what we're told?

That like telling someone not to be cold

when all they wanted was something to hold.

This poem is cliche

like everything I ever dreamed.

A bunch of repeat signs.

I try hard not to hit replay.

But alas, time is time.

And your dream has been dreamed.

Like rain on the ground,

it just gets cycled around.

I'm embarrassed. I've never shared any of my personal writings. I might delete this. Maybe not. Here's another I guess. I don't know what to say.

Just the other day I was pulled outta class.

My teacher says "Are you in the right place? Do you think you can pass?"

And I said "Yes, ma'am, I feel that I am."

After long lecture from her claiming how smart I'm not,

we went back the class like nothing happened.

I am just another bubble in the boiling pot.

Waiting to pop.

The sun is a light to show you the way.

In fact, I used it

Just the other day.

Um, so I feel awkward now. I've never done that before. Neither of those are very good, I don't think. But like I said, not everything can be a masterpiece. 

I've discovered through trial and error that through trial and error you will find almost any answer ever. It took me a long while to realize that everything my father had said is true. The only way to get good is to be crappy and face your fears. This world is a series of walls. No doors, no holes. You chose what wall the climb, and you climb it. Once you get over that one, there is probably be another. High school is a wall. Relationships are walls. Insanity and depression are big, big walls. Big, smooth, waxy walls. 

I want to say something to a certain person. She probably won't read this or even look at the facebook post about it, but I don't really care. Cause this certain person can't do anything to make me angry. Ever. I don't think the she can comprehend what goes through my mind when she is brought into context. My brain becomes and melting pot of insanity and fire. It's like someone sends spurs deep into the back of my thighs until I fall and I can't get up. I've been lying here for a while now, and I think it's time to get up.

Well guys, I'm pretty scared to post this. I guess it's time to face the truth. Man, this sucks.

Untitled

A long time.

I don't think I am from earth. Maybe like the 39th death world or something. (Tell me if you caught the reference and I'll high five you or something.) Really though, I know and believe that there is a higher being above us that guides us and stuff, but I need something to latch onto. I need somewhere to be from. I guess you could say that i am from the central coast of California, but I never really knew it. My brothers and sisters say that Orcutt is boring and a dump, but I don't think of it that way because all I knew it as was a haven for my friends and me.

I think the music I try to write has already been written and whole idea of being obsessed with space has been experienced before. Specifically by these people:

Kid Cudi and Neil Armstrong have done more than I could imagine doing in my fields of interest. I don't reall know how to be fresh, and I definitely don't know even the first thing about astrophysics. Everything is so confusing to me. I just want to be able to understand things. Like astrophysics. And how to be fresh. Yeah.

I don't really know what to write anymore. I'm sorry. This whole blog thing is turning into me posting pictures and songs that will express my feelings because I am really bad at it. Ask any of my ex-girlfriends. I ain't lyin'.

I'm such garbage ha ha ha. Oh well. I guess I'll reach my potential someday.

I am honestly sad about not going on tour. All my friends are going to have a ballin' time in California and I'm going to be at school alone erryday. I don't have anyone else, really. No one that really knows me like them. Oh well. It's only five days, right?

So I have this cousin named Nick Campbell. He is really cool. He is probably my best friend. Tyler Romney and Nick Campbell. I've known Nick forever and it's really surprising how sick or each other we aren't.

Nick is really really good at drawing. I try my very best to copy him, but I just can't do it. He has the style of a god. I swear he can pull off anything. I can hardly pull off jeans.

Tyler is a different kind of human, but he is my human. I think that he can say, (unless he is being rude to me that day) that I pretty much own him. And he owns me. But nowadays he has a girlfriend and unavoidably spends all of his time with her. He gets more girls than me. I think everyone does. Oh well.

I want to be good at things. And I think it's going to be a long time until I do. If you read my other blogs, I mentioned some things that I wanted to accomplish in life and I think I have added more to the list. Besides being a physicist, baseball player, horse jockey and professional drummer, I think it would be very interesting and fun to be a hip hop artist or even a disk jockey for one. Not like rave music though. Like real hip hop. Hits the heart. "Hip Hop Can't Stop." That's a playlist on my iPod in case you were wondering. Cool.

Anyway, I'm done ranting. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a good rest of whatever you are living.
Stay fresh.
xoxo

That's it, folks.

Never in my life have I been so emotionally involved in a football game. I knew that marching band season was on the line, and we were down by a point so they went for the two points rather than the field goal and, evidently, the receiver did not catch the ball. It was pass interference though. That's what I think. So that's all, the end. Poof. Everything I enjoy in high school is over. I can't go on tour, so I'll be here if you want to see me or anything.

On another note, I am eating cheetos puffs and drinking some coke-ish thing my mom brought home. I feel like this post should be a Facebook status update. Should it be? Maybe I am getting too many social networking sites mixed up. Oh well. I am the average 21st century citizen.

My brain was very skippy today. I could only focus every once in a while. Maybe like five minutes at a time, and every couple of hours. My friends will be departing to San Francisco in about a week, Nov. 1st to be exact, and I will miss them. I love them. I'm shaking a lot.

Here you go, a song by a band that I know a lot of you might not like, but please, just listen to these words that he is singing. This song. Then go watch the success video I put in my last post. Warms my heart.
I think I am going to steal something from my brother, Andrew. I want to use his words because they portray my emotion so well, and I kind of pulled this out of context and changed it a little, but "I feel like there is tin foil all over in my mouth."

That's it, game over.
Stay fly.
xoxo

Success, failure, and sacrafice.

I haven't written in like forever have I? Not since last month at least. I just kinda forced out a blog that felt was low quality so I stopped for a long while to think about what I really wanted to write about.

So as it turns out, through all my blindness and anger I could not see that that leech was not an enemy but  a friend. My mind cleared and I saw that what a parasite on my mind, was just a really rough tourniquet. And although it caused me a lot of pain and ache, in the end, it was the only thing that could have saved me from myself. It still kinda hurts, but now my leg isn't going to fall off.

Lately I have been thinking about what I really want out of life and how I am going to get there. There are really only four things that appeal to me in this life, and they consist of the following:

1. Physics. It has been my dream for quite some time now to become an astronaut and walk on the red planet. It seems like a radical dream, but it's all I want. Almost. I mean it's number one.

2. Professional baseball player. I know that I may not show a lot of interests for sports, but seriously, baseball is like my secret lover. I love it so much. It's so American. If I was good at baseball, I wouldn't need anything else. Except physics.

3. A horse jockey. I know this probably sounds weird, but honestly, I think that horse jockeys are like the coolest guys ever. Except astronauts. They go so fast. Like forty miles an hour and they do it knowing that at anytime someone may push them over and they could get trampled to their death. I think it's so cool. Horses are so cool.

4. A paid drummer. I don't really know what to think of this occupation. Honestly. There are so many ways you could go with it. You could teach, be in a band, be in a drum line, be homeless, I have no idea! It's just too unbalanced for me. Not enough promise. (Not to say that the baseball or horse jockey ideas do.)

Anyway, what I am getting at is that all of these stupid little dreams I have have one thing in common and that is hard work. Everything that is worth it in the end won't be easy.  My sister Samantha Jo Keele Beach showed this to me tonight, and to be honest, it really inspired and motivated me.

I hope you watched that video. Cause I just did. Again. I love it. It just really shoves in your face what it takes to be real and have self value. It puts everything in such blunt English that it is hard to take it all in. This video really changed my perspective on life and made me look at things differently. It's so good you guys. Just appreciate it. Take it personally.

I hope that someone needed that video as much as I did. I hope it helped at least one of you. Watch it a couple times. Part two isn't as good, but it's okay. And when you watch this video, don't take it like they are only talking about what he is doing because what they are talking about relates to everything. "No days off. When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, you will succeed." I love this.
"You don't care about no basketball game, you don't care what's on TV, you don't care 'bout nobody callin' you, you don't care about a party. The only thing you care about, when you tryin' to breathe, is to get some fresh air."

I've been reading two books of late. One is called "The 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens" and the other is called "Rocket Boys." Both of these books have helped me to move forward in life. They made me want to be more than average. They made me the kind of person who gets frustrated when he fails because I won't stand being just mediocre. I want more. I want to stand out about the crowd and become someone. And if you think that people succeed through success, then you are strongly mistaken, and I am sorry. As the great Homer Hickman Jr. would say, "because, after all, failure just adds to our body of knowledge."

The book "Rocket Boys" is great. Whether you're into rockets or not, it goes a lot deeper than you'd think. He explains some really great processes a teen will go through in his or her life in a very entertaining and humorous fashion. It's kind of long but the story is great.

I encourage all of you to read and practice whatever it is you want to be good at. Please, read everyday. I don't care what it is, where you do it, or how. Just read. And do your math. Math is great. Keys, people. These are keys.

Sorry it was kind of a long one.
Stay fly and remember, Marty didn't come until 2015.
xoxo

Working Backwards

Sometimes I will think of the end of a blog, something substantial and something that will really leave a mark in the reader's mind and I will base my blog around that idea. I think that the most important ideas you have you should try to explain to yourself so you can fully understand what you think. Sometimes people (or maybe just me) will get ideas and dreams that they really hope to accomplish and go after it but they won't know entirely what they are going after. Like when people think that having jobs like a rock star or a famous actor would be easy I just want to help them realize that every single life was hard (and still might be) at one point or another whether it be due to stress, family or other stupid worldly things. It is hard to explain to people that what they think is really easy is really hard and that they are very deserving of what they have accomplished. For example, the English language. Holy crap people. The English language is one of the most complex languages on this earth. And we as the general public that use it everyday don't really notice how lucky we are to have working minds. I mean, everything about everything is a miracle. I do not care if you are an Atheist, a Jew, a Christian, or any other religion because somehow everything had to get here. And if you think that your mind was created because of an explosion that somehow, with all the luck in the universe made your perfectly working human mind, then I really think that you are confused. Please bare with me, I am not trying to raise some dispute between myself and the general public, but if you think reeeeeeaaal hard, then maybe the Big Bang Theory doesn't make sense. Something had to be there to explode. Something had to be there before the explosion to cause it and I don't think an explosion could cause a perfectly working solar system and galaxy to appear out of dust in the great beyond. I just cannot imagine that happening.

I want to present to you an idea. And that idea is that every human is equal, and that we all deserve the same amount of respect. Crazy, right? I mean who would have thought: equality? In history we have been studying the constitution and the basic structure of equality and your "natural rights."  And your natural rights basically say that you can have opinions, express those opinions, and try to change other people opinions. But you as a human cannot take away another persons' opinions or thoughts. We all have rights to dream and ideas and whether we want to pursue them or not. We also have rights that state that every single human in the Unites States can have their own route.

Sorry if this blog is crappy, I am kind of just ranting about what I think about a lot. So. Yep.

Here is a song. It sort of explains my "teenage rage." Ha. Yeah. Something like that. Please excuse the language as it does say the D word and the F word once.

Oh yes, this video reminds me, I also have this long lost dream of becoming a pro skater. The person in the video above is name Rodney Mullen. He is the reason I started skating. I wanted to be like him so badly. Holy smokes.

School is stressing the crap wads outta me. It is scaring me a lot because it's already past midterms and my grades aren't the best.  Growing up is a hard thing to do and I have been working backwards. I do what I should have done at the beginning in the end, and I do what I need to at  the end in the beginning. I get upset really fast now and I feel bad because if I am with the wrong people then I will just switch into rage mode and hate everything. I am being transformed into this monster. I want to be little again when nothing really mattered. I am starting to understand why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up.

Growing Old Is Rotting.

This may be a terrible post because I am forcing it or, maybe I feel obligated to do it. But I have this idea in the back of my head that has been rotting for years. And the idea that it is rotting has been rotting. I think everything on this small earth reaches a certain point at which it is at its best, but then begins rotting. I think everything is rotting. Growing old is rotting.

My grandma Simmons passed away this afternoon not long before six pm. My uncle Kelly came out and looked straight at my cousins and me and said "your grandmother is gone." The silence long stretched for several minutes until my mom came rushing out of my grandma's room crying. Short after the news got out several relatives and friends came flooding to my grandmother's house to support our family.

I have recently learned a  Shakespeare scene from the play "Measure for Measure" in which my character Claudio is in a jail cell talking to his sister Isabella whom he is begging to save his life. The scene goes on and ends up on the subject of death. My biggest line that I have in the entire scene is a big long description of death. And I think that Shakespeare had an ability to write somethings that no other human could have. He describes the feelings and fears of death so well that it almost scares me just to say my line. I tried to copy my line so you could read it here, but friggin the blog thing was being dang gay. So here is the link. It should be the first one. It starts "Ay, but to die, and go we not know where." Click hurr 4 a little spew about lyfe

So driver's education is probably the most retarded thing I have heard of in my entire life. A whole month of class at 5:45? Who the freak need to know that much garbage? And who even applies it to their driving? AND they are charging one hundred dollars for it? Freakin' kiss my butt! Soooooo gay. I don't want to devote my life to some class that I won't learn anything from. Everything sucks soooo badly. I can't even take it. I'm going to explode. All I want to do is lay out in the night on a warm blanket with a pretty girl that will listen to my rants. I want to look at the stars with someone who appreciates them as much as I. But I don't suppose that will ever happen.

I can't handle life anymore. I know I probably sound like some mentally retarded teenager just ranting (and feel free to judge, because I don't care anymore) but I really do mean everything I say. My mind, to me, feels like it is in the same condition as a smoker's lungs.

I am seeing this band in November. They saved my life once. Yay. 

Get Up

Today was a little bit spacey. I didn't go see the councilor today and I didn't really talk to anyone today. Not about anything significant anyway.
Today my mother called me about her mother and about how she is not doing well. She told me to not "take any chances" and to come home before I lose any chance at all. When I got home today at 5:11 pm I walked in to see almost my entire family, extended and all, gathered together.

Today I had musical rehearsal and drumline. I skipped early morning today because I didn't feel like getting up and I suspected that the consequences could not be too great. For once I was right! Anyway, I got to school and when I walked into seminary and a tall man with short curly hair dressed in a suit and tie (he looked like Napoleon Dynamite) greeted me with a warm "good morning." He then began to make small talk with me, asking me about how my day was so far, and what I expected of it.  And then for the rest of class all I could think about is how one person doing such a small thing could change your entire day. It really got me thinking about how judgmental we as humans may or may not be and how understanding one another might cure the world or just one of its poisons.

I don't think I can explain to you just how much I want to wiggle out of the ever bounding grasp of our earth. I want to go places. Not on earth, I could care less. I just want to go up. And up. And up.

I sit a lot. I sit and do nothing and think about aaalll the bad things. Today I sat with my grandmother as she lied in her deathbed begging for peace. As I looked at my grandmother, struggling to breathe and fighting to surrender her final words unto this dying world, I realized that something beyond what we can comprehend as human beings will someday come to us. And we will fly. When I tried to talk to her, she would start saying my name, as if I was gone and I would have to reassure her that I was there. My mother was on the other side of the bed crying and I was trying my best not to. The last words I heard her say tonight were "I want to die."

We might not make it home tonight.

I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH A LEECH

I have this leech. It is stuck on me, sucking out all of my energy and feelings. It won't let go. Not for the life of me. One time, I cut off my skin that was around it and it leaped from the dead skin and onto my exposed muscle. It is forever inside me. Some serious pain. I don't want to be friends with that leech. Not now, not ever.
This certain leech likes to jump from boy to boy, sucking their very life away and proceeding to leave their dead body alone with nothing but the atmosphere. This stupid stupid leech has cause me sooooo much pain. I hurt a lot, guys. I mean a lot. I want to take hold of this leech and tear it in half. Then stick it in a blender. Then pour the mushed up junk into Mordor.

Aaaaaaanyway, today was pretty good. I went to BK and hung out with the drumline. I love drumline. I love everyone on the drumline. If anyone that is on my drumline is reading this, then hear me valiantly when I say: I love you.

SOOO Homecoming. This Saturday. I'm goin' with this pretty girl named Sydney Frei. She is really nice. And Pretty. And she is my date. I'll stop bragging now.

What a change of moods right? I mean, a couple minutes ago I was so distraught, trying to find some foundation for my shaky tower and then Sydney came over and all the mind stop and my stupid lazy construction workers finally started to pour the foundation of my tower. I think.... yeah.

Okay, so I hear voices. A lot. They yell my name and then disappear. My brain cannot grasp the idea that something that I cannot see or feel can effect me to more of an effect than a pretty girl. (Did I just use the word 'effect' twice in one sentence?)

UGH THE STUPID LEECH BIT ME AGAIN IT KEEPS MAKING ME SAD AND I CAN'T DEAL BECAUSE I'M JUST A STUPID LITTLE BOY.

Sorry guys. I'll try to stay on the positive side of things. I'll ignore it. ojs:lDKFA;fj

OOOOOkay. Wooh. Wah. I am sooo confused right now. My brain just collapsed. Good bye.

What I Want, Who I am. Fly Casually.

There is a lot that goes on in my mind. It's like this twisted contorted view of reality. It kind of scares me because sometimes I will hear people yelling my name and I'll turn around saying "what" to find two or three people staring blankly at me. It becomes really irritating when you hear it while you're in set at marching band and you respond to something nobody said and you get ten push-ups for it. Marching will be the death of me. I mean, I love my drums, but the people there that aren't on the drumline are just so scratchy. They don't really know how to talk or function properly in a social and open setting. I feel badly. They're cool I guess.

I spent last night with Erin and Caroline and Dallin. They're so great. If only Syd were there. And like Spencer or something. It's Homecoming week at my high school and all the activities are all pretty cool. I want to go participate in them and feel like I am a part of something. BUT I AIN'T. I'M A FREE SOUL. Okay not really but I would really appreciate it if I had audacity to do such a thing.

I have had this sudden obsession with the music from "Newsies." You know those things I explained in the last blog? SHEESH. They some onto me so sudden, like a black eye. BAM! And your eye is done for. Or like high school. BAM! I am done for.

I really want to go into space. I want to see the burning balls of gas that lie next to each other in perfect peace by the millions. Lighting our atmosphere and keeping our souls lifted. The term "Outer Space" has so much more meaning to me than almost anyone else I think. When I think of outer space I think of myself out in a spaceship following in Buzz's footsteps (literally.) I want to put on  that suit and sit in that rocket and have the force of going thousands of miles an hour against me. I want to go to space and take pictures and be a scientist. I want to go to space and feel the weightlessness on me. I want to know what it's like to feel the cares of earth go away and be utterly alone in the final frontier. I want to find "aliens" and greet them with a smile and tell them all about how my dreams have finally come true and how I couldn't be happier. I want to battle space pirates in my own ship with my wife and kids by my side and when they finally retreat we will celebrate and be happy all together and have and the American flag waving above our ship. I want to build sand castles on mars and I want to drop hammers and feathers on the moon. I want to conduct experiments with my co-workers and create legendary discoveries.  I want to be a part of history and I want people to know my name. How radical would that be? I can't imagine anything better.

I have a song to show you. This song is from the musical "Newsies" and the song is named "Santa Fe." If you have really read this whole thing, then I really do love you for it. I want to finish off with this song and whenever you hear him say "Santa Fe" I want you to replace it with "Outer Space." Then you will be able to see, in the clearest way that I can present, how I feel about this dream I have. I love you guys. Thank you so much for reading. Fly casually.

Sir Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Aldrin Jr. and the Moon

I thought that I might start writing again. About my brain and things. About how I want to become some great person. Because in all of our minds we have this image of how it's supposed to be and the only way to get there is to "work hard."

I put the words "hard work" into quotations for a reason because everyone has their own definition and no one really has the same one. Was that a redundant sentence?

Guys, I really want to go into space. Like more than anything in the world. Well, maybe not, but it's dang close. I want to put my footprint in the moon. More like Mars but the moon works too. I just want to be someone.
To be more specific, I want to be this guy :

He is my hero. That would be Sir Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Alrdin Jr. I love that guy. He's so cool. I like him more that Neil Armstrong I think. If Neil is Mario, then Buzz is like his Luigi. Right? It makes sense to me.

Guys, one day I went and laid in a field and looked in the sky. I fell asleep and I had no idea what I dreamed about. All I know is that when I woke up, I rolled over and saw my very good friend, Miranda Grigg, After I got her attention, I proceeded to whine to her about how I don't think I could ever be an astronaut. I didn't believe in myself, or, anyone else for that matter. I guess you could call this my "hour of darkness." It's more just like me being the typical teenager. I'm a loser.

While I was talking to Miranda, to my surprise, my other good friend Tyler Romney showed up. I cannot remember whether or not I told him to come, but he did.

I sometimes will get really interested in something and I will learn all I can about it in like three hours and then I think "this is stupid" and I go to sleep and remember none of it. But this didn't happen with astronomy. I feel like my love for this subject came on as a crescendo. But one that had the big hit at the beginning of it you know? Like this: OH.....o.o.o..ooooOOHOHOHOH
That is my best attempt at portraying that musical format? I don't even know what to call it.

Anyway, that is my babble for the next little while.
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.
Stay fly.