She Understands

It's 5:45 pm and it's almost perfect dark outside. Utah darkens very quickly this time of the year(s) and I think there my be specific reasons for it. I mean, besides moving farther from the sun. More of a kind of pathos type of deal. Not logos. Am I being heard? Probably not, my voice is little.

I went and saw my second favorite band last night. They were crazy. Like hot dang. They tore me to pieces. Streetlight Manifesto is a crazy band. Very good live. They left a piercing ring in my ears. Whenever there isn't any constant noise louder than the ringing, it sits there and screams all day long. I can still hear it and I was at the concert nearly twenty-four hours ago.

I don't know about myself. I wouldn't consider myself a happy person, but I'm depressed. I don't think so, at least. Maybe I'm apathetic. But self proclaiming that you are apathetic is always false because how can you be apathetic when you are claiming to have an emotion? When I am bored I come up with bottomless questions that have no answers. Is there a name for those? I don't know. Like this: Where did the rocks come from? My dad asked me that question. I guess you could say that God made it, but he didn't just clap three times and had some stuff appear. He had to get it from somewhere. Anyway, I am going to stop talking about this before I offend someone or maybe even myself.

You know, I try pretty hard. I get treated like a lazy, useless, teenage fool that doesn't contribute (or try to contribute) at all. And suppose that I was a lazy, useless, teenage fool who doesn't contribute (or try to contribute) at all. Could every single being reserve the right to treat me so? I don't think that I am lazy or useless and I try pretty hard to contribute. I don't know about the rest of my fellow teenagers, but I feel pretty under appreciated. Gosh, I am such a baby. I'm trying to derive some emotion from something other than the main base. Man, these zurg rushes are harsh.

I wonder what kind of voice I have. My English teacher enjoyed it in the paper I wrote for her class. Cool. I'm sick of being a part of something no one likes.

It's even darker now. It's 11:16. You know I never split up a writing session like this. It feels weird. A different mood maybe. I went and hung out with Miranda Grigg tonight. We went and saw my school's musical for the year "Hello Dolly." This is the second time I have seen the play now, and it just gets better.

Miranda and I have some pretty good talks. Sometimes I start yelling because I feel really strongly about things, not to be confused with anger, and she starts laughing and I feel silly. But she understands. Not many people of this planet do.

Well, love has driven another nail through my heart on this lovely night. Another quart of blood spilled, you know, NBD.

Gosh gilly gag. My life is like a fart. One of those really dry ones that don't really mean anything. :I

I'm stuck. I get stuck a lot, don't I? Ha.

Tonight I was telling my parents that earlier I had a lactose reaction to rollos, and my mom said "there isn't any lactose stuff in rollos." So I continued to shut my mouth and all in all cancel my story telling. I miss Miranda. And a few other people. Let's have a reunion. With you by my side, (you know who you are..) I could sit foreeeever. I'm slowly opening and releasing these weird hints as to where my real sadness comes from and it's scaring me. The world will know.

My mom just said "oh my gosh, it's eleven thirty. We gotta go to bed. It's eleven thirty." Haha. Why is that funny? I don't know. What happened to this potentially well written post? I dunno. ha ha ha.

If I correct your grammar, don't take it personally.
xoxo